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The Waiter And The Porter And The Upstairs Maid

Bing Crosby

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As your genial host may I offer a toast
To the wine buying guest on my right
(Hooray for the wine buyer)
Yes drag out the cooking sherry for the old colonel
May his bank account grow heavy laden with dough
May he spend it in here every night
Seeing this night in its glory
You people so loyal, so true
Puts me in mind of a story

Tell us about it, pray do-o-o-o-o-o.

The people in the ballroom were stuffy and arty
So I began to get just a little bit frayed
I sneaked into the kitchen, I dug me a party
The waiter

And the porter
And the second storey maid.

I peeked into the parlour to see what was a-hatchin'
In time to hear the hostess suggest a charade

But who was in the pantry a-laughin' an' scratchin'

Oh.The waiter

And the porter

And the upstairs maid

When they heard the music that the orchestra played

The waiter and the porter grabbed a-hold of the maid

Then they all proceeded to go into a clog

Hot diggedy dog.

If ever I'm invited to some fuddy-duddy's
I ain't-a-gonna watch any harlequinade

You'll find him in the kitchen applaudin' his buddies

The waiter

And the porter

And the upstairs maid

Well pardon me folks the roast is carved
The wine is served, why you look half starved

Pardon me sir, may we be free

The kitchen guard is havin' a jamboree

I went and got a dish pan to use as a cymbal

The porter found the regular glass that he played

The fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble

You should-a heard the music that the combination made

I went and got a dishpan to use a cymbal

the porter found the regular glass that he played

the fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble,

you should of heard the music that the combination made

Marchin' through the kitchen to the pantry and back
Why, man, you should-a seen us, we were ballin' the jack
Once a half an hour passed without any call

Jack we had a ball

The waltzes and mazurkas we hate 'em, we spurn 'em

We got a lot of rhythms we wanna hear played

Yes and we know who to go to when we want to learn 'em

The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid

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